A HIGH PRICE FOR A GOLDEN LESSON
When we think about doors they are just the things we open and close to get from one side to another, they separate us from the outside world. Much like Relationships, you never close one door without opening another.
I have recently separated from my partner…what a long trip it’s been. The loneliness and just the thought of being alone consume you. You take a trip back and forth in your mind analyzing everything, trying to figure out what went sour. You think that you have found your soul mate and come to find out she/he wasn’t the person you thought you knew. I’ve heard it said many times, “ you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone”. Is this a fact? Are you supposed to feel remorse for all your actions and wrongful doings during that time? It’s a question that raises allot of interest.
I came to the conclusion that we don’t have to dwell on old past relationships. It just seems more visible and comforting to laugh everyday and live your life because life is short, there will be another’s who stands beside you. There may be a few someones in your future. I’ve come up with some ways to help me past my wondering mind and my never-ending constant thoughts.
It is better that you discourage yourself on every thought of him/her. Your mind will race to rid him/her off your mind if you dwell on thinking of their permanent traits that are quite discouraging to you. There are positive things you live and learn after a breakup. That is the great thing about breakups, it is the time you reflect on your faults. Forgive yourself by thinking that in every mistake you make, you learn a lesson. The pain you are feeling is what you are paying as a result of your bad choice. You will learn how to improve your relating and realize that there are things that you have to throw away to avoid future odds.
The knock down, drag ‘em out arguments you once realized were out of control and something that you shouldn’t have stooped so low to dwell on. That is a choice you make within yourself. It is a plea to be forgiven and to gain the acceptance of your partner.
Everything you encounter in this world is a battlefield of struggle. No person has reached success in full appreciation and glory without experiencing and comparing. It is this failure that can make you stronger. It makes you more resistant to its heavier blow. To make or break a relationship is the real struggle of relating with someone. The only thing that is permanent is death, as long as there is life remaining within; you have the chance to be happy. Time heals every wound, or you can find cure in every subtle way, you will heal with a very ridged unlearning.
Please feel free to contact me with any questions, comments or suggestions:
Angel_N_My_Heavens@yahoo.com
or
www.myspace.com/jamie69for2
TAKE A STAND
I have recently come to realize that someone close to me lives a way of life everyday of negative criticism and control and it got me thinking just how absurd this really is. Everyone has their own different opinions on what a “Healthy” relationship is, what's acceptable and what's not. Is it true that we will say, do or seek out anything to keep our partner content or to avoid an argument?
How can you possible keep your partner completely happy when she/he is always trying to control the situation? Let me tell you that people are controlling because they are insecure and cant find their strength within themselves to trust things and situations around them, because he/she feels inadequate in other areas of life. Taking complete charge gives her/him a false sense of security.
I was listening to my friend talk the other day about how She had to be home at certain times, and how her Girlfriend would call throughout the day to check on things and wouldn't allow her to have good friends. I sensed how scared and frightened she gets when she thinks she's done something against what her partner wants. It must be a lonely world living your everyday life in fear. I sense a lot of fear from her, they have been together for many years.
She may be scared to face the end, maybe she feels if she confronts it its going to be the end of many years of something she's put everything into. I cant even imagine how she must feel on a day to day basis. Although she is taking the right direction in insisting her partner go to counseling with her I have to say I admire her adversity and strength.
There are things you can attempt to do, to salvage the relationship and keep her/him from grating on you. Sit her/him down and reassure that you love her/him and you're not going anywhere. Boost her/his confidence. Make her/him understand that you consider her/him to be unique and special.
Maybe your partner doesn't truly know how you feel, still after all those years its not clear. Reassuring your partner that your still in it with them is essential. It gives a sense of reassurance and enlightenment in a relationship.
Next, tell her/him that she/he doesn't have to control every detail of your life. You need her/him to treat you as her/his equal and her/his partner. Just tell her/him, with thorough conviction, that you need to be treated like an adult who is capable of taking responsibility and making decisions.
Asserting yourself firmly will make your partner know that you are standing up for yourself and that you are uncomfortable and unhappy with the current situation while at the same time reassuring your partner that you are in love and are strictly trying to rejuvenate your relationship with each other.
In the best relationships, the partners tactfully talk about irritations, disagreements, and conflicts without blaming each other and then problem solve, negotiate, and compromise. Occasional arguments with yelling can feel good when it unearths important issues and leads to problem solving, but it often results in hurt feelings, sabotages problem solving so that problems become chronic, damages trust and closeness, and may lead to a partner feeling very justified in lying or deceiving.
Instead, develop a confiding relationship of sharing feelings, not just facts, and receiving acceptance, understanding, and emotional support from each other. Its hard to figure out what's okay and what's not in a controlling relationship.
Tip toeing around is usually the case, deceiving and lying behind your partners back to avoid an argument or drama is what I've learned is the outcome of most controlling relationships. The fear sets in that maybe if you confront your controlling partner with the things you are feeling she/he will get offensive and press harder into their controlling mind.
Analyze how you feel about the situation, know what you want to take place, Know that you deserve a healthy, happy and constructive relationship. TAKE A STAND! If you back down your partner will know she has full control over your emotions, actions and decisions. You are your own person, Make it count!
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